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Adults With Asperger’s and Too Much Empathy

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Very unlike the “traits that define” Asperger’s Syndrome – or more recently – as it is lumped in now in the DSM 5 with Autistic Spectrum Disorder – a lack of empathy is just not an accurate trait to list in consideration of diagnosis.

The first issue is the scales and tests to diagnosis Asperger’s in the first place, especially since what is currently available has lacking measuring ability of attributes (feelings) like empathy. Secondly, there are no diagnostic scales or tools to recognize Asperger’s in its many expressions in females. It’s still thought of being mostly a “male” thing.

As an adult with Asperger’s who was diagnosed at the age of 40, but really, coming to that awareness explained so very much of my childhood and life experience that I had never had a way to truly understand before being diagnosed. I know that I do not lack empathy. In fact, I’ve known for longer than I have known I’ve had Asperger’s Syndrome all my life, that I have too much empathy.

Each person with Asperger’s (AS) is an individual. There are differences in how empathy is felt in those with AS compared to Neurotypicals (NT’s). My sense is that NT’s feel it and fairly spontaneously express it. They express it to each other, relatively speaking, in ways that are easily identifiable and expected and therefore they have a common language of empathy.

That’s what I’ve always believed the biggest difference when it comes to this question of empathy and AS vs Neurotypicals and their empathy lies. It doesn’t have anything to do with people with AS not feeling empathy. It has all to do with how or when or to whom that empathy will be expressed, how and when.

People with AS, and I know this from my own experience, process all feelings and information differently than NT’s. That’s not to say all with AS are the same. Just as all who are NT are not the same. However, people with AS do process information and feelings differently from those who are NT. This means that there may be a delay in expressing what is felt or a difficulty in expressing it coupled with an NT expecting to have it expressed to them the same way as other NT’s would express it.

As an adult with Asperger’s I know that it takes time for me to process information. I do that rather rapidly but I still have to run it all inside first before I start to share it. The same is true of emotions. I will run them inside, feel them, and then express them. I can relate to feeling, as others have described (online youtube videos and blogs) too much empathy interpersonally and an even deeper over-whelming empathy in the context of empathy for things that happen to people or in humanity – feeling as equally deeply empathic about the later as the former. Something that many NT’s don’t seem to feel as much.

For example, on 9/11, when we first heard of the attack on the U.S. others I was with reacted, of course, but were pretty focused on phoning their loved ones. Even though we were in Ontario, Canada, we aren’t really that terribly far away from New York, New York. Nobody knew what was going on as that began to unfold. Unlike everyone else I was with who started running to phones to call loved ones with the sense that they needed to get home, pick up kids from school, get together and do what? Be safe? Be safer? I don’t know to this day. Why not?

Because my reaction was one of experiencing a panic attack because I was overwhelmed with the feelings of humanity that day. All humanity, generally, and specifically those suffering directly, even though at this point, I’d still only been told what was going on and had not yet seen anything on television at that point.

It was a deep extreme empathy that was for all of humanity as all of humanity (and the years have born this out) was attacked that day and that day is a day that has changed our world in ways that are not for the better.

I felt so much that I didn’t think about myself at all. I was not at all thinking or feeling the same things or in the same ways with the same focus as those around me who were all NT’s. I wasn’t thinking I needed to call someone and be with them or run somewhere. I felt the agony of humanity and I felt so palpably the agony of that day and all that it meant in human suffering.

Yes, this is just one example, but likely way more individuals with Asperger’s, feel too much, it’s  not that we don’t have empathy or that we have not enough empathy.

I have learned how to grow and change and push boundaries in terms of how Asperger’s is traditionally thought to be. I know others have done this in their own ways too. We don’t get rid of Asperger’s (frankly I wouldn’t want that at all!) but we can continue to grow and to further extend the bridge of communication to and from NT’s and ourselves.

I experience being an adult with Asperger’s as having a different ability. Yes, at times, it can be challenging. I have also since 9/11 really learned how to have better emotional boundaries with all I feel for others and that are the feelings of others. I still feel it and it can still overwhelm me but I do have boundaries and ways of dealing with it more effectively. I think what I feel that is too much empathy (though I don’t express it as such) I have learned to sit with, feel, process, and move through much more quickly. I wouldn’t trade that for anything even though at times it is quite painful. To me, it’s me. It is also a profound connection to humanity that I have always known and would not want to change.

Feeling for others, even on the other side of the world, that I don’t know or will never meet, as deeply empathic as I can feel for someone close to me (though the feelings aren’t exactly the same) matters greatly to me.

I wonder, is part of the problem with empathy in humanity that not enough NT’s empathize enough with humanity beyond their loved ones? Not saying they don’t care but it seems that if we are trying to measure this and compare this that NT’s would lag behind many with AS when it comes to empathy for humanity to such a profound level it hurts in ways that are difficult to describe.

We need to give each other room to be who each one of us is. We need to be willing to communicate to understand how each other collectively and individually feel things and express things or feel things and don’t necessarily express them the same way as we continue to honour our differences respectfully.

© A.J. Mahari, January 17, 2015 – All rights reserved.

The Stigmatizing of Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome

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There is a lot of stigma about what it means (especially in adulthood) for an adult to have Asperger’s Syndrome. Why is that? There are as many reasons as people who hold stereotypical views about Asperger’s Syndrome in adults. The number one stereotype is that all with Asperger’s are the same and fit all listed criteria (no longer included as such in the DSM-5 as it was in the DSM IV) that you can read about online. This is just not true at all. Firstly, there is are many differences between all who have Asperger’s Syndrome (listed now in the DSM-5 within the “Autism” outline – something that most in the Asperger community do not like) the most obvious one being the differences, for the most part, again, allowing for individual differences, between males and females. Females tend to be less affected when it comes to lack of empathy, lack of compassion, and other aspects of Aspergers than males are (which varies in a wide-ranging way with all adults with Asperger’s anyway) because females are still socialized differently (Reference: “Asperger’s Syndrome” by Dr. Tony Attwood) from males and Asperger’s does occur more often in males than females. Or, because there is only a diagnostic scale for males and not one for females, more females who fit the criteria would be diagnosed if not for this prejudice in the diagnostic process.

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Other stigma producing misconceptions about adults with Asperger’s include the following:

  1. That Asperger’s Syndrome is just a disability
  2. That adults with Asperger’s have no social skills
  3. That adults with Asperger’s get “triggered” by things – that’s not really an accurate statement at all
  4. That adults with Aspergers are difficu
  5. lt to get along with
  6. That adults with Aspergers are people to fear, angry a lot, or often having meltdowns
  7. That if one has Asperger’s is effected by everything attributed widely to it – this is far from true and is very individual
  8. That all with Asperger’s need or even want to be “cured” – there is not cure currently but not everyone feels they want one
  9. That adults with Asperger’s can’t have empathy, compassion, learn to navigate effectively socially
  10. That adults with Aspergers are only interested in narrow focus of interest
  11. That adults with Aspergers are mentally ill – this is not a mental illness at all

 

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1. That Asperger’s Syndrome is Just a Disability: As an adult with Aspergers I happen to know first hand that there are many blessing and a true giftedness that I have in part because I have Aspergers. Many, like myself, with Aspergers in adulthood are very “high functioning” and learn or have learned to use our narrow focus or focuses of interest to our benefit to take the unique and often faster and more efficient way that we can take in information, process it, synthesize it, and move forward with it in many ways, along with an above average intelligence, to pursue University education and contribute to the world in many fields as professionals. In my experience as a person with Asperger’s Syndrome, I believe it has given me a giftedness in many areas (Okay, not socially, but that doesn’t mean I have weaker social skills than the average NeuroTypical). Aspergers, in my experience, is also very much about having a different ability. Why do we have to judge the way “most people” do things then ascribe to that understanding, “normal”, (which is flawed non-existing concept to begin with) to it? Why is this incorrect assumption supported by an “us” vs “them” neurotypical version so supposed “reality”? A supposed “reality” that is lacking in any logic. Why is a different ability and other differences judged or perceived as “les than” or “abnormal” or “undesirable” when really any comparisons are “apples and oranges” type comparisons and do not even have their genesis in any common logical factors from which to draw this conclusion of disability in the first place.

2. That adults with Asperger’s have no social skills: While there are some deficits that are a part of Aspergers and the context of “socialization” is one of them, why is it assumed that all people with Asperger’s are without adequate social skills? The truth about his is that the degree to which people – individuals with Aspergers have or lack social skills is highly individual and therefore it is stigmatizing and stereotyping to think that we are all the same. I have found that one can map and learn from past experience enough to be able to continue to learn to better socialize and to function in social situations in ways that pass as “normal”. The biggest difference I find in this area is that I am firstly an introvert, (according to Myers Briggs test results, actually I am an Introverted-Extrovert) just to make things a little more fun, as in complicated an challenging 🙂 This not withstanding, what I know about my experience as an adult with Aspergers is that I do not have the same “social drive” or “social needs” as extroverted people or as NeuroTypicals generally. However, that is not something that is easy to accurately measure or quantify because there are many Neurotypicals who are introverts and/or lack social skills or a drive to socialize as much as extroverts for many reasons and they aren’t considered “weird” or to have s disability. Though they too, may be judged as “too different” or “weird” by the most social extroverted Neurotypicals. My question for you to consider here is, if you are an extroverted and very socially driven Neurotypical why do you consider (if you do) that this is the only desirable or “normal” way to be? Could it be that you judge based only on your own ideas about how people should be perhaps because you feel uncomfortable or confused by people who are not the same as you?

3. That adults with Asperger’s get “triggered” by things: This is not an accurate understanding, in my opinion. People with Aspergers are not “triggered” in the sense that someone with PTSD may be “triggered”. Rather people with Aspergers have sensitivities to various – again individual – things or experiences in daily life. Rather than being “triggered” we have different ways of coping with stress. We have challenges with “flow” and with quick or seamless transitions from one thing to another. Some have tolerance thresholds that vary. Meaning that if they have to work, they cannot transition from interruptions back to work, or be interrupted in their work for other reasons and have people coming and going who don’t show up and leave at times that are predictable. Aspergers does leave us much more literal than NeuroTypicals. If we are told something will happen at 1pm (even though many of us know better intellectually) we will find it stressful if that literal arranged time is not met. How each person with Aspergers can or cannot cope with this varies greatly. It is also very difficult for many with Aspergers to transition from work to different tasks, to socializing, and then having to transition back to work. For example, if I have to wait for a contractor to come to my home and do some work, and even though I hope for the literal time I was told this would happen (knowing intellectually it’s unlikely anyone arrives on the dot of that literal time) I often have to put off other tasks or work until that contractor arrives and/or his work is under-way. Then I can leave it and go on do my own thing o work while they do their work. Stress can be produced, for example, in my example, when the contractor comes two hours after the literal time given, or when the contractor fails to show up at all on the day specified, let alone anywhere near the literal time arranged. If this continues over a period of time the stress that is causes me increases. While I try to continually de-stress, and often do so quite effectively, a cumulating stress that is on-going for a month plus for example, will become somewhat untenable to continue to tolerate and be able to get my work done and other things I want to do done or just relax and find something recreational to do. The point is that I am not “triggered” by the work of the contractor or unfinished things. It is the stress of managing to deal in and on-going way with a situation (I recently encountered with what is at the time of writing this a still on-going renovation of a townhouse I moved into recently) that feels invasive and intrusive to me. Even though I know intellectually that it’s not intrusive and invasive in any personal way or even isn’t as such in reality. It is the nature of my needing and wanting more time alone to pursue whatever I might pursue in work (writing, caring for my dogs, with friends, or many other things). It is not only an Asperger transition difficulty, it is also an introvert’s need to not be having people coming and going so much and end up with a lot of wasted time if time is set aside and then no one shows up at time I was told they would. (I get, again, intellectually that these things happen) Knowing that others may well not understand any of this if I try to explain it, nor can it be “accommodated” or change a given situation, necessarily, I am left to deal with higher stress than I would normally feel. This is not a “trigger” it’s long-term low-grade stress that builds and it is also low-grade frustration that builds and increases making things more difficult for me in ways others may not be able to relate to. But this is different from the traditional psychological definition and scope of a “trigger” in many other challenges that people face.

4. That adults with Aspergers are difficult to get along with: This is a stigmatizing stereotype that does not take into consideration differences to which we are entitled and worthy of having respected by others. Just as we have to be willing to compromise with others in situations where, for example one is living in the middle of a renovation, or requires repair work done on something, or things of that nature, others have to be respectful of perhaps different needs that I know can’t always be accommodated but that definitely are worthy of being without disrespecting a person’s difference, wherever possible. There is an inherent and very quick-to-judge a person with Aspergers as “difficult to get along with” if others to not pause to ponder differences and not expect that those with Aspergers or more introverted NeuroTypicals will all handle the stress of certain situations in the same way. I’m not sure that all NeuroTypicals would handle all situations in the same way themselves. When you move into a new place and people don’t know you, as I did recently, they can’t know I have Asperger’s either can they? So beginnings can be more difficult generally for me and for others due to this. Why? Because learning about me as an adult with Aspergers – me as an individual with Aspergers not me as a person with that “Asperger’s” read about online with all kinds of “traits” or things described therein that have nothing to do with me takes time. Also, because people, rather than jump to the judgment or unrealistic expectation that everyone new in a place will know what to do or will be included or assimilated in the same way, need to first try to dialogue and understand differences before they return to an unwelcoming (perhaps by my differences – and we all have them regardless) self-comfort culture of who they know and are comfortable with and then leaving me on an island of sorts. People with Aspergers like all people, perhaps to a somewhat lesser degree, hard to quantify, are not more difficult to get along with for anyone willing to be friendly, welcoming, and take the time to set aside judgment or what have you about differences and get to know an individual who is new and not pre-judge and end up talking about that person as “weird” or “difficult” when in my case, I can say with assuredness, this is just not really the case at all, when people really talk to me and get a feel for who I am. People with Aspergers are not more difficult to get along with when they are given the decency of respect and a chance to be known versus being pre-judged whether others know or not that they have Aspergers. People need to realize that while we all have difference, we still do have a lot of basic human things in common. We need to build bridges and not be in such a hurry to categorize and label and judge people and then just ignore them or as some people do just get their backs up. People who pre-judge and are not welcoming or willing or able to consider differences have their own issues and may be considered somewhat difficult themselves and need not project that on to people with Aspergers.

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5. That adults with Aspergers are people to fear, angry a lot, or often having meltdowns: People with Aspergers, speaking generally, are more  likely to be honest to a fault, perhaps out of “socially accepted convention” in ways that seem or are perceived as blunt. Many with Aspergers have little to no frame of reference of the NeuroTypical “social context” of saying things that they don’t mean or being dishonest – presenting as friendly while not meaning it which a person with Asperger’s will literally believe to begin with and then be confused by as they have to then try to figure out the duplicity. Speaking for myself, I am used to this so-called “NeuroTypical social context” which can be defined as a less than honest way of communicating and handling needs/wants, boundaries and the like effectively. Simply put, not having Aspergers does not mean you are “normal”. What is normal? Normal is a concept thrown around, thought about and judged that I defy someone to actually define. People with Aspergers, just like people who do not have Aspergers (called NeuroTypicals -NT’s) can have meltdowns. Like any individual, the propensity for a meltdown is an individual thing. In my case, it is very rare I have a true meltdown. And not all meltdowns would be the same regardless. There is no reason to fear people with Aspergers. This is especially true when you learn a bit about Aspergers but not without getting to know what is true for any individual with Aspergers (AS) or not because as I’ve said, each one of us is not effected in the same way or the same degree that you may think if you just paint us all with one brush of what you may read online. People with AS are often a lot less angry than their NT counterparts. This notion, stigma and stereotypically uninformed way of thinking that people with Aspergers are to be feared or are angry a lot or are often having meltdowns is prejudicial thinking to say the least. Again, it is highly individual. Not that anyone with AS alone would need to be feared at any point regardless due to having AS. Speaking for myself, again, I experience a tremendous amount of inner-happiness and joy in my life in many ways. I can experience this with others but I experience and to be honest value the quality of the inner-experience more than shared with others experience. That does not mean I don’t like to share with others, work with them, or be social. I do. It just means I will prefer and need more time on my own than I share with others which again is not totally about having AS, it is also a lot to do with being introverted. I think people easily fear what they do not understand. So working to help others understand me as an individual and yes, an individual with AS, as I need to get to know and understand others and often the different challenges they are facing in their own lives is how we can bridge differences in an accepting way and find common understanding, respect, and common ground with each other.

6. That if one has Asperger’s is effected by everything attributed widely to it: This is perhaps the most stigmatizing, stereotyping, disrespecting, painful, derisive, unkind, and inaccurate assumption made about people with AS. We, who have AS, are not all the same at all. The fact that I have AS does mean it is the sum total of who I am. It is not. It is something that is a part of me. Their is much more to me than just AS. I value very much the positive attributes that result in my life and my different ability that is due to being an individual with Aspergers. Unlike what you can read about Asperger’s Syndrome, that would not apply to me, would be that “all with AS lack empathy,” have no compassion, lack personal insight as to how they relate to others or are perceived by others, care only about themselves, “lack social skills”. These do not apply to me at all. They do not apply to all with AS. There is also that vast difference between genders with AS. However, having said that, you still have to consider the individual, be the male or female. Please do not read about Aspergers and then think you know someone and that’s who or how they are. It is pre-judging and intolerant and disrespectful to generalize based on a label that many write about from a “professional” or “academic” perspective (who do not have AS) and who really may not have encountered those of us more “high functioning” as much (if at all) to the degree they encounter those who are much more greatly affected and lower-functioning due to Aspergers. It is just a common sense reality that those who have more of the listed and defined “Asperger traits” than those of who don’t are not the same and need to be considered (all of us) individually and that “professionals” encounter much more often those who need more help and are lower-functioning than those of us who do not need their help and are higher-functioning. People with Aspergers are not going to fit all criteria you can read about and again, each is an individual who needs to be seen first and foremostly as such and not painted with the broad-stroke “abnormal” approach to defining what it means to have Aspergers.

7. That all with Asperger’s need or even want to be “cured”: I would question if Asperger’s Syndrome, now categorized in the DSM 5 under Autism Spectrum Disorders,  should be in the DSM at all. Should it even be considered something that is “abnormal”? I don’t think so. I think it’s about difference. Difference in many ways and also difference in ability. People with Asperger’s or on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum are not disabled only or that much. Rather we are differently abled in a world that seeks to still judge and understand people based on similarity to self or to group, community, etc. rather than taking each person for the individual that they are and working harder at accepting and differences and learning that in doing that we can then find more common ground similarities after all. As an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome I find it much more a gift than a “disability”. I find it much more to be a part of me then some way of defining who I am as an individual in totality. I don’t need to be “cured” from anything. I believe that Autism, all along the spectrum, is an different way of being, thinking, expressing, (or  not expressing for some) connecting, (not connecting for some) but there is in everyone on the Autistic Spectrum despite what some lower-functioning “classic autism” a quality of life. A quality of inner-life in many ways that those who are NeuroTypical cannot at all understand. There is not need to cure what is simply a different way to be.

8. That adults with Asperger’s can’t have empathy, compassion, learn to navigate effectively socially: Again, this is a stigmatizing and stereotyping notion or cognitively-distorted belief ascribed to those with AS. It is also very important again to keep in mind the individuality of each with AS and not lump us all together. There are people with Aspergers (often male but not limited only to males) more profoundly affected by AS who may not show or express in NeuroTypical ways empathy or compassion or learn to navigate effectively socially. But this is highly individual. And even in those that seem to lack the expression of empathy or compassion, I have written about his on this site elsewhere in detail, this does not mean they lack empathy and compassion totally but it does mean that one would have to be very attuned to the ways that you could glean this from some those with Aspergers who are not going to express it the way that NT’s are used to receiving it. For example, and this does not apply to me personally, (though I do need to remind myself from time to time in social contexts) due to the (and it varies too) literal nature of Aspie understanding and interpretation I have had clients with Asperger’s or spouses (parents) of someone with Asperger’s ask my many times why does their Aspie loved one not tell them they love them? What is often the case, for many, is that they have been told they are loved but some with AS, being much more literal than (I and others) think that if “I told you once I love you, you know I love you, why would I have to tell you again and again”? Many people with Asperger’s (like myself) are quite capable of empathy, compassion and navigating the NT social world.

9. That adults (or children) with Aspergers are only interested in their narrow focus of interest:  For many, and especially younger children (“little professors”) with Asperger’s this can seem to be the case. Their is no doubt that each individual with AS has one to two areas of intense narrow focus. And they will want to talk about it intensely, often, perhaps in some cases in seemingly-unending ways. This is not the case with all. Yes all with AS have narrow focus on interest(s) than enjoy talking about them. As adults, however, many of us have learned that relating and conversations can’t always be about our narrow interest(s) focus and that we want and need to listen to what others are interested in to have effective and meaningful relating and communication with others. Having narrow focus of interest(s) is something that many of us get to know a lot about and become “expert” in and then go on to University, get degrees, and make careers in those areas of interest and contribute greatly to this world. Does that sound like Aspergers in that high-functioning sense is a disability at all? While it is true that Aspies have narrow focus interest(s) it is also true that not all will be doomed to only talk or share about them. Many of us will learn as I have learned a long time ago, there is a time and place for this. Making a career out of one’s narrow focus of interest(s) as I have like so many others with AS is an incredibly rewarding part of having AS because we get to work in areas that we truly are totally and deeply interested in. And, just another fact, to dispel stigmatizing stereotyping of those with AS, when you love what you are interested in genuinely and deeply it becomes a burning passion that helps you to be much more effective and skilled in your chosen profession and I know this feels for me like it’s not even really work. It is such a passion and I am freely driven out of interest and love of what I do, know, and have been educated in, to, in my case, help others heal, recover, or become unblocked in goal achievement, identify issues that they want to change in their lives, and help people with personal and on-going self-understanding and self-development. People (certainly in adulthood) with high-functioning Asperger’s Syndrome can and do expand their narrow focus of interest(s) in vibrant, practical, and exciting ways that contribute to our economies and the betterment of humanity and meaningful ways of working with and for people that improve the quality of their lives in wide-ranging fields including engineering, tech innovation, psychology, philosophy, science, research, medicine, law and the list is endless.

10. That adults with Aspergers are mentally ill: This is an absolute false-hood. A terribly stigmatizing stereotype that does not apply to Asperger’s or the Autism spectrum at all. It is true that some people with Asperger’s due to the nature of navigating deficits (to “normality – whatever that is) do develop some mental health challenges. But Asperger’s itself, is not at all a mental illness. This is why I’ve always wondered why it is seen by psychiatry to be fit into (in their opinion/judgment) the “Bible of Psychiatry” the DSM – now with version 5 being in use though being boycotted by many professionals because it has long-since been perceived by many professionals as being a rather arbitrary and pseudo-science at best collection of largely unchallenged pathologizing of humanity now driven primarily by U.S. Big Pharma with an agenda to make more money for all by taking it to such an extreme in the pathologizing and categorizing (by a small unregulated and not peer-reviewed “working group” of psychiatrists) people to the point that as noted Australian Psychiatrist, Dr. Niall McLaren, was quoted on my Psyche Whisperer Radio Show in an interview we did (or he may have said this to me privately – as having said, the DSM is so out of control and pharmaceutical industry driven (prior to the publication of the current DSM version 5) that “you could now diagnose a ham sandwich” with a variety of “psychiatric illness” which biopsychiatry has now since the “decade of the brain” (for what that is worth) in the 1990’s has laid claim to the scientifically un-proven illusion that “mental illness is a brain disorder”. This too is bunk. Abject false “flawed-theory” put forth as if it were proven science, which it is not. The various named aspects of various degrees of autism now included in the DSM-5 under the categorization of “Autism Spectrum Disorders” must be challenged in so many ways because Autism on any point of that spectrum has nothing to do with “mental illness”.

© A.J. Mahari, July 26, 2014 – All rights reserved.

Asperger misdiagnosed as mental health disorder

Misdiagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome in Lorene Amet’s son’s life lead to years of dangerous psychiatric medications that caused him to end up being mentally ill as a result of the psychiatric drugs and their side effects. People need to start educating themselves against the medical model of psychiatry – Biopsychiatry nothing more than flawed theory put forth as “real” science when it is “junk” science – Big Pharma money to sell more drugs and the welfare of those in need of help be damned.

Asperger misdiagnosed as mental health disorder from Lorene Amet on Vimeo.

by Lorene Amet

Asperger’s – Empowering Different Ability

Asperger’s Syndrome is often, like so many other “conditions” pathologized, defined as “not nomal” – what is normal anyway? Most people think normal is whatever they are like or value. There is no such thing as “normal”. It’s all about difference. Author, Life Coach, BPD/Mental Health and Self Improvement Coach, A.J. Mahari, herself, a person with Asperger’s Syndrome firmly beleives from her own life experience that those with Asperger’s need to learn (if they haven’t already) – those with any major and often judged difference from what the mainstream values as “normal” – to empower what is their own different ability.

 

Asperger’s Syndrome and Adulthood Ebook and My Asperger Experience Audio © A.J. Mahari

© A.J. Mahari, April 10, 2011 – All rights reserved.

 

Asperger’s Syndrome – People are Not Stereotypes

The diagnostic criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome, like so many other “labels” is so stigmatizing and stereotyping. As if all people with any given “label” or any group of people, regardless of why or how they are grouped together are a) all the same and/or b) all-good, or all-bad – c) acceptable or not acceptable based upon those who would judge others by how much of themselves they see mirrored back to them, or not. Each and every human being is first and foremost an individual human being. Why is it that so many people lump all  people with Asperger’s together like we are all the same? We aren’t. We don’t all experience Asperger’s the same either.

People with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) are different in some ways from Neuortypicals (NT’s). But, so too is each Aspie different from other Aspies. So too is each NT different from the next person. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Life is about radically accepting that and learning that weaknesses and vulnerability are strengths too. Sometimes what one thinks is his or her strongest strength or quality may well not be. Life is about so much paradox. The more we can find a balanced middle-ground the better off we will all be collectively and individually. If we, those with Asperger’s and NT’s meet in the seemingly-impossible middle-ground that stands all around us, in that space and from that mind-set we can learn more about not only tolerance of difference but respect and celebration of difference – an acceptance of difference that does not judge one way of being as better than another.

Make peace with your experience with Asperger’s Syndrome in your life. I have. Self-acceptance and self-love and understanding are so very important. A.J. Mahari, herself, an adult with Asperger’s is also an Author of over 20+ Ebooks, a Life Coach, BPD/Mental Health, Asperger’s, and Self Improvement Coach. Mahari makes the point that no one is perfect and that there is no such things as normal. The construct that neurotypicals are normal and Aspie’s aren’t is a polarized and arbitrary one at best. It doesn’t have to mean anything to you. You don’t have to be defined by this dichotomy or adhere to it either. Free yourself from feeling “less than”. Celebrate who you are and know that difference is just that – different. It doesn’t have to mean anything else.

 

 

 


Inside My Asperger Experience Audio
Asperger’s Syndrome and Adulthood From The Inside Out Ebook


 

Asperger’s Syndrome, and yes I have Tourette Syndrome (TS) too, which often seems to “go with AS” and is something that I never admitted online before. I guess it took me a bit longer to accept and come to terms with that and to be as okay with and about that as I am anything else about myself. Why? Simply because I am no more defined in the totality of what it is to be human and to be me by Asperger’s or Tourette Syndrome than I am by the sum total of all that makes me who I am.

 

© A.J. Mahari, March 27, 2011 – All rights reserved.

 

 

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Taylor Morris – Autism and Asperger’s Advocate – Interview A.J. Mahari’s Psyche Whisperer Radio Show

On Monday September 20, 2010, at 7pm EST, Author and Life Coach, A.J. Mahari, herself an adult woman with Asperger’s Syndrome interviewed Taylor Morris, who is a 17 year old woman, with High Functioning Autism, a straight A student, and advocate for Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome.

Taylor is very articulate young woman and she has made several video. She has an incredible following of her videos. Taylor describes and explains a lot about her experience in life as someone with Asperger’s Syndrome in ways that can help people with Asperger’s better understand it and also helped their loved ones better understand. The more we can understand and respect each other across the differences of what it means to be a “neurotypical” or a person with Asperger’s Syndrome the richer all of our lives will be.

Asperger’s Syndrome, as I know from my own life, and as I stress on my own Aspergers and Adults website is a different abilitynot a disability. It brings with it challenges, but, also many blessings and gifts. Please watch Taylor’s video below and read the post re-posted here from her blog at Meet Taylor Morris, entitled, “My Social World: Inside an Autistic’s Psyche” You can also watch more video from Taylor on The Psyche Whisperer Blog

© A.J. Mahari, September 20, 2010

 

 

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My Social World: Inside an Autistic’s Psyche

By Taylor Morris

Just before class I hear a necklace jingle around the neck of a pretty girl. She is gossiping with another pretty girl, who is twirling her pretty hair and talking about the awesome party where some other pretty girl ruined her dress with a beer stain. At the other end of the class, I listen to yet another pretty girl complain to her pretty best friend about how her make-up wasn’t done just right — she is not pretty enough. Meanwhile I’m on my own, at my desk, looking at my calloused hands and unkempt nails thinking: “The jewelry, the hair, the clothes and the make–up — it’s all their social games. Their value, their conversations, their lives. How do they devote so much time and money to that? How do they know just what to say to get “groupies” to follow them?” I sigh and shake my head, thinking of how I don’t own a dress, how I wear the same earrings every day, and how I never seem to understand when they speak in what seems like code. With this, I’m once again reminded of how I’m an unwitting member of a social “game” I don’t really know how to play. Having an Aspie mind is a hard-enough social challenge; add to that the complexities of a high school girl’s social world and hierarchy and you have just added insult to injury.

Over the years I have learned to associate the word “social” with scenes like these. I never have understood the social culture people practice. I just don’t have the ability to “sense” like neurotypicals because my thoughts are literal, not intuitive. My mind is heuristic, so I behave in accordance with what I see and directly experience. I can’t “sense” whether or not I’m winning over a person. I have to wait and see how they treat me in the weeks after I have met them. This creates a whole new challenge in meeting people and making friends, especially girlfriends.

However, I have learned to use my style of mind to my advantage. For example, I use heuristics to decide which people I should and should not try to be-friend. I know from experience that girls who hang out in large groups of other girls tend to be mean to me. Because of this, I know to not try to connect with them. Same goes for girls who wear shirts worth more then my earrings, girls who wear more make-up in a day than I do in a year, and those who match their entire outfit a bit too perfectly. This may seem ridiculous because everyone knows someone who wears a mountain of make-up but is still very nice. Even so, over the years I have found that these heuristics work well. Many of the people I have excluded often did end up being the exact kind of people I want to avoid. I know these “rules” in deciding who I will try to interact with are polarizing to an extent, but they are how I have used my mind to find my way through a social game. Using this method, I have successfully identified girls who became my best friends. They don’t judge me for being slightly different and don’t hold it against me for not having the best sense of style. They have judged me by my character, and that is all I ever really wanted.

 

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The Paradox of an Inability To Change

Many people who have Asperger’s Syndrome, that I work with as a Life Coach, often report to me that the central thing they hear most often about Asperger’s Syndrome is how it can’t be changed. It is in the hard-wiring and it isn’t going anywhere. While it is true that one cannot get rid of Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) and that it isn’t “going anywhere” does it naturally follow logically then that there is something beneficial to be derived from such strong focus on an inability to change?

Who is it that wants change? Who is it that expects change? Who is it that is conditioned to think not being able to fully change something means that all change is impossible?

Why, do you think, is there such focus on Asperger’s Syndrome in terms of those diagnosed with it as not having ability to change? What is the message taken out of this fact, granted, but focusing extensively or even exclusively on this fact?

Does focusing on the reality that people with Asperger’s Syndrome will always have it leave room for hope? If so, what do you think that hope is for? What could that hope be about? I’d really like to invite you to leave your thoughts below in the comment section.

While it is true that AS is not something that one can recover from or stop having somehow that does not mean that people with AS cannot continue to learn and develop new skills, coping skills and/or compensatory skills – they absolutely can.

Now, of course, not everyone with Asperger’s is exactly the same at all. This means that how each person with AS will think about or even be aware about wanting and/or needing to learn new ways of coping and compensating will vary. And, while not a statement set in stone, it does appear, from my experience, as a Life Coach, an aspie adult, and a person who communicates with many with AS and has read a lot about it, that among all the variables and differences in the ways that all of us with AS manifest it, gender differences seem to have led many to conclude that the way that Asperger’s effects males isn’t the same way it affects many females. Tony Attwood mentions this in his book, “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome”. So this isn’t just me speculating.

For those of us diagnosed in adulthood who didn’t have any way to have early intervention or support like aspie children do today, we have to be creative with how we go about coping and compensating. In most areas of the world there aren’t even services for adults with Asperger’s – as if today’s aspie kids won’t be tomorrow’s aspie adults joining the rest of us in this abyss of sorts.

I have come to realize in my life and my journey with Asperger’s Syndrome that there has been a lot that I have continued to learn. I have pushed my own limits and in many ways still do. I think, initially, after being diagnosed at the age of 40, which was 13 years ago now, I was trying to get rid of AS – as if eh?

However, for the last 11 years or so it’s really been much more a journey of gratitude for me. Gratitude for all I have continued to learn and compensate for mixed with an ever-deepening radical acceptance of the paradox of Asperger’s. A paradox that sees AS being both challenging and a blessed-giftedness as well. I continue to experience this rich and profound paradox of what AS seems to take from me, at times, or impose on me at times, and all that AS gives to me, blesses me with most of the time.

Hope lies within this radical acceptance and self acceptance. It lies within the re-framing of society’s penchant for pathologizing difference. Society defines Asperger’s as a disability. I experience it as a different ability. It’s a matter of how we think and what we choose to think about it. In fact, most people I’ve ever talked to and know now or have known who have Asperger’s, like me, wouldn’t want to get rid of it even if they could.

The focus of neuro-typicals and society in general on pathologizing our differences leads to what I would say is an over-focus on what is labelled an inability to change. Who is it that is wanting all of this change? Is it those of us with AS or is it society and neuro-typicals who seem to think that just because we are not “like” them – poor us kind of attitude.

It is from this realization that I continue to hope that parents of today’s aspie kids, with their interventions, services and so forth, aren’t hoping to change their aspie kids from aspie kids into neuro-typical kids. Because that is the one comparison, the one unrealistic expectation that likely is responsible for such focus on how AS is in the hard-wiring and how it cannot be changed.

However, as I will write more about in up-coming blogs, paradoxically, even that which cannot be changed cannot fully limit some change, development, and continued learning. We must be careful not to judge that change or to quantify it based upon neuro-typical expectations or comparisons.

The paradox of an inability to change in an of itself, from the inside out, for this adult with Asperger’s, is realized as an on-going active and engaging invitiation to not invest in or attach to expectations that others want to put upon me. It continues to be a challenge for me to nurture  my own nature, regardless.

Change, on-going development, and continued learning that takes place within a positive framework from an awareness and practice of radical acceptance for what is grants a freedom for, and comfort with, difference that does not fight against itself.

© A.J. Mahari, June 8, 2010 – All rights reserved.

 

 

The Pardox of Social Impairment and Profound Social Disconnectedness

There is an inherent and burdening paradox within the reality of being an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome. Central to the most devastatingly-challenging reality of Asperger’s Syndrome is its synergistic social impairment intrinsic to or juxtaposed to a profound social disconnectedness.   


A.J.’s March 2010 – Aspie Confession – Personal Update – CLICK HERE to read it.


 

The intricate labyrinth of this paradox exists within the assumption that a social impairment in and of itself, however that is defined and experienced in each individual (AS) life is tantamount to social disconnectedness   

Gregory B. Yates, in his writing, “A Topological Theory of Autism,” – the website – www.autismtheory.org/topotheory.html explains that the three founders of “autism”, Eugen Bleuler, Leo Kanner, and Hans Asperger, “clearly saw other features of autism as secondary to social disconnectedness.” and emphasizes that this disconnectedness “…is the central, eponymous feature of autism it is the primary feature…”– “it is social disconnectedness that most defines autism…”   

The degree to which there are differences, generally, between autism and Asperger’s Syndrome (AS), more specifically, in terms of this social disconnectedness varies greatly with each individual. It has been my experience that the manifestation of this social impairment and social disconnectedness also varies greatly between those with more classic forms of autism as opposed to those with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS). Even within those with AS the extent to which this paradoxical synergetic syndrome is present depends upon many individual factors including age of diagnosis, intervention, support, counselling and general educational intervention.   

I experience this social disconnectedness, as an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS), in ways that I imagine are more difficult for me and others like me than they may be for those with more classic autism. It is the awareness that one has with AS that often brings with it a more painful lack of connection. Many, like myself, with AS, to varying degrees, have strong desires to try to be as social as we can. This is, however, coalesced with what is an equally strong aversion to being social.   

This paradox of simultaneously desiring and feeling aversion to social connectedness is born out of a lifetime of difficult and painful experiences in the social realm coupled with a lack of understanding and difficulty in truly being able to feel a sense of joining in what others are experiencing as a shared experience.   


A.J.’s March 2010 – Aspie Confession – Personal Update – CLICK HERE to read it.


 

I am keenly aware, in the social realm, that while I have learned to do many things that one is supposed to do from all accounts and appearances I do not experience them in the same way that neuro-typicals (NTs) do. There is still this feeling of not totally understanding the feeling experience of the shared social experience. This reality is accompanied by the anxiety and the stress (overload to my system) that much of this activity produces within me. To state it outright and forthrightly, I do not derive joy from anything social.   

My experience of joy is very much a by myself internalized proposition. Knowing this can be, at times, a source of frustration and pain. Even when I am social I am not really totally there. It’s difficult to explain this but as Yates explains, “Autistic people live like Tantalus*, with the fluent social interaction of others suspended before their eyes, out of reach.” I can relate to this. To try to actually join in and feel a shared experience socially is like reaching for forbidden fruit that moves ever so slightly back every time I reach up and forward toward it. I have been in many a social situation where I do just end up observing because the social interaction of others is suspended out there before me and for me is out of reach in terms of experiencing it the way that others appear to be and report experiencing shared meaningful times that fill them up. Trying to socialize, which I don’t mind in small doses, despite the pain of it all, for me is so stressful most of the time that unlike my NT friends empties me out leaving me just wanting to retreat back into my own world.   

The fact that most NT’s describe socializing as being a “filling up” experience that adds something to them and I know that it is the opposite for me, I don’t see this as needing to be defined as anything else aside from a profound difference after its recognition.   

Yates continues with the assertion that, “Social disconnectedness is the horse of autism: Secondary features are baggage in its cart.”   

Not everything about this social disconnectedness is experienced as baggage. That said, I think it would be highly negating if I were to say that this disconnectedness doesn’t in fact leave an adult with AS with some baggage. It does.   

The most difficult aspect of this baggage, which I’m sure varies with each adult with AS, though having, no doubt, some common themes, is that we are left to fend for ourselves with it. There are (with rare exceptions) no services for adults with Asperger’s Syndrome.   

In my own experience, the mental health issues and co-morbid issues that can exist with AS and its incumbent or subsequent baggage, are not effectively being dealt with by traditional Mental Health delivery systems. While there are some therapists who will assist adults with AS they are not accessible to those without the funds and even then they are rare as most, if not all resources are currently focused on children with autism and/or Asperger’s Syndrome.   

Today’s children are going to be tomorrow’s adults. The baggage that they will encounter as adults will still be sitting here, as is mine and that of other adults with AS. I continue to not understand the lack of services for adults and for those who are transitioning from adolescents to adulthood with all its more complicated issues.   

I must stress here too that not all that AS brings to my life is about baggage. In the arena of social disconnectedness and trying to navigate the world of social beings however, yes, I have some baggage that I am continually aware of, working through, and trying to come to terms with. In this area, this baggage does impinge upon my self-acceptance, still, though I’m getting through that more now too. This is the reality of a paradox that adults with AS must not only live with but wrestle with in order to not be left feeling less than. This is why I stress that we are differently abled as opposed to the common societal stereotypical assessment that we are just disabled   

Yates also asserts, “While some secondary features of autism are unpleasant, in a social world one autistic trait is truly devastating. That is autism’s defining characteristic itself — social disconnectedness.   


A.J.’s March 2010 – Aspie Confession – Personal Update – CLICK HERE to read it.


 

I have found this trait quite devastating. While I continue to make progress in terms of what I have learned about mapping my social efforts I continue to find them often as painful as they are anything else. I am still in the process of dealing with this fact. The fact that I have to live with a high degree of social disconnectedness that I have enough insight about to feel saddened by at times. It is here, I have learned, that my self-acceptance depends upon my ability to continue to learn and grow in my ability to use compensatory strategies to meet my needs in the adult arena of relating.   

Yates states that, “Autistic people vary in their desire for social interaction. However, even those who do not desire social contact can be devastated by its lack, for thriving in human society depends on social ability.”   

I agree totally with Yates here. I have known other adults with Asperger’s Syndrome. I’ve seen vast differences between them and myself in many respects. I’ve also noticed that there are numerous and vast differences between men and women with Asperger’s as well. (More on this in an up-coming article)   

I have been devastated by “its lack”. The lack of socialization in my life. By what remains (or certainly feels like) despite my best and most fervent efforts to socialize, relate, and be available in my primary relationship, a feeling of disconnectedness that often brings me back to a familiar pain that like a brick wall sitting between me and the world of social ability, has and continues to affect my thriving in the way in which most people define and value thriving   

All is not lost here however. I am a great believer that even when diagnosed with AS in adulthood, as I was at the age of 40, we can make progress. I have learned a great deal. I continue to learn to compensate and to let those closest to me know what I need in order to be able to build bridges to them and have them build meaningful relational bridges to me.   

I also believe that despite not experiencing a kind of social ability that clearly indicates thriving to our human society, I am thriving and will continue to build upon this thriving in my own way as defined by my own understanding, needs, wants, and my continued dedication to straddle what is at times a very unforgiving philosophical paradox.   

What is defined as social impairment, again, can be construed as disabled or contrastingly as differently abled. One must take to task the notion that we are all supposed to be the same or that we all must have the same values and capacity in the social realm.   

Having Asperger’s and knowing it should be a gateway to understanding not some societally imposed label that implies lack and that sees that lack pathologized.   

It is my hope and my intention the more I come to understand my Asperger reality and the more I write about it that my readers will come to appreciate the differences that manifest in many ways that are the indicators of difference in brain functioning. That NT brain wiring is not superior to the brain wiring of those with Asperger’s and visa versa. This is all about difference and more specifically, acceptance of that difference and allowing each group of people to live as they must and flourish as they will.   

To this end, coming out of this most basic difference in social ability and social connectedness or defined disconnectedness it is my hope that the system and parents of children with AS will stop believing and insisting on trying to normalize the autism/asperger’s out of their children. We are born the way we are for good reason. Let society expand its definition and understanding of worth, and change itself, and stop requiring that those of us on the autistic spectrum change or have to fit the NT mold in order to matter, to be functional, and to be able. We are very gifted and talented in our own ways. Who we are needs to be “good enough”. It needs to be “good enough” firstly to parents, secondly to society and equally to each adult diagnosed and left to fend for themselves, with Asperger’s, in adulthood.   

We need bridges of understanding to and from each other. We do not need to be the same. We are all okay as we are, differences and all.   

© A.J. Mahari February 2005    


   

•Tantalus – (Greek mythology) a wicked king and son of Zeus; condemned in Hades to stand in water that receded when he tried to drink and beneath fruit that receded when he reached for it. (Source: www.dictionary.com)   


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American Psychiatric Association DSM-V – Asperger’s To Be Put In Same Category as Autism and PDD’s

The American Psychiatric Association wants to include what is currently known as Asperger’s Syndrome in the same category or classification as autism and other pervasive developmental disorders (PDD’s). As a person with Asperger’s Syndrome I felt confused and angry when I first found this out. I found out when I saw a tweet from CNN’s Anderson Cooper.  How in the world can this make any sense? While Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) is on the autistic spectrum there are vast, notable, and important differences between AS, classic autism, other PDD’s, and even autistic spectrum disorder (ASD). What do you think? I can’t understand how this will benefit anyone, least of all those with Asperger’s Syndrome.

 


(CNN)“People with Asperger’s syndrome would be included in the same diagnostic group as people with autism and pervasive developmental disorders, according to new guidelines under consideration by the American Psychiatric Association.

Psychiatrists are in the process of revising the guidelines, known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The manual has implications for how psychiatric drugs are developed and prescribed, what treatments get covered under insurance plans, which approach doctors take in treating their patients, and how patients view their own identities.

Anyone who has received a diagnosis from a mental health professional has most likely had his or her symptoms defined by the guidebook.

The revisions, which will be considered for the DSM’s fifth edition, due in 2013, were made public Wednesday at DSM5.org.

Scientifically, the distinction is correct; the research on people with these conditions has shown that Asperger’s is on the mild end of the spectrum of autistic disorders, said Dr. Michael First, professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, who worked on the version of the DSM that is currently in use.

Of concern is that Asperger’s has been destigmatized and autism has not, he said. Over the past 15 years, communities have formed around Asperger’s, and the condition has taken on more positive tones with the notions that Albert Einstein and other intellectual luminaries may have had it.

Given that Asperger’s has become more acceptable, First favors keeping it as a diagnosis.

“This is a case where the science of the decision and social ramifications of the decision are separate,” First said.

But the DSM does not make diagnoses based on the stigma of one group over another, said Catherine Lord, director of the University of Michigan Autism and Communication Disorders Center, who is on the American Psychiatric Association committee looking at autism.

“Many people prefer to use the term Asperger’s, and we’re not saying that you can’t describe yourself that way,” she said. But the research shows “no scientific evidence that there are separate syndromes.”

 Source: CNN Health


Catherine Lord,(member of the American Psychiatric Association committee looking at autism) quoted above, by CNN, said, “… the DSM does not make diagnoses based on the stigma of one group over another” and that “… the research shows ‘no scientific evidence that there are separate syndromes.’ “ Well, might be too commonsense to actually consider anything to do with the stigma or how it can effect countless lives right? I am not sure that anyone has tried to argue that Asperger’s and classic autism or ASD are “separate syndromes”. I think appropriately the distinction that was made, and I think that needs to continue to be made, has all to do with degrees of the autistic spectrum. After all it has long-since been referred to as a spectrum with understandable reason. That is not the same as trying to say they are separate. However, how on earth can anyone then define them or classify them as the same just because they can say there isn’t any “scientific evidence” to prove they are separate? Say what?

This leads me to wonder what is really behind this. I say that because Lord’s “reasoning” doesn’t seem very sound. To say that AS is the same as autism – or should be classified that way – defined that way – diagnosed that way – because there isn’t any “scientific evidence” that they are separate syndromes flies in the face of the vast differences that have been identified and acknowledged for some time now. Differences that matter. Differences that help people to understand themselves and to learn to cope with all that they have to cope with. Differences that do, I think, negate the sameness that would justify lumping them together or merging them.

What could be helpful about going backwards in definition, experience, and understanding?

And it gets worse really, also quoted by CNN on Anderson Cooper’s 360 Blog: “Dr. Charles Raison, psychiatrist at Emory University, acknowledged that “autism” is a “frightening word,” and that moving Asperger’s under autism may pathologize it more. Still, it is more accurate to call it a form of autism, he said.”

So, despite pathologizing those of us with Asperger’s Syndrome more, Dr. Raison believes that being more accurate and merging the DSM definition is more important. Who will this possibly benefit? In fact, I know as someone with AS myself, that many of us actually work with and talk often with parents of children with varying degrees of autism on the spectrum up to and including classic autism and that the fact that Asperger’s has made it somewhat out from under a lot of stigma and pathologizing to be more understood – not just negatives but strong positives too –  long enough to help others understand and to give hope that the autistic world (worlds really) can often, one way or another, to one degree or another, connect with the neurotypical (NT) world.

It’s just that no matter what you classify all of us as, we can’t, and many don’t want to anyway, conform to NT thinking. This means that neurotypicals need to stop trying to change their aspie or autistic kids (adults even) into NT’s. It’s just not in the hard-wiring. Difference needs to be respected. What NT’s define as disability is truly a different ability – perhaps one NT’s still don’t well understand. For all the really brilliant, creative, and innovative people throughout history identified as likely having had Asperger’s Syndrome, NT’s – yes even the people on the DSM-V committee – need to ask themselves where would the world be without the tremendously valuable contribution of many with Asperger’s Syndrome whose brains were, thankfully, wired differently?

I think it reasonable to conclude that this proposed merger of Asperger’s Syndrome with Autism and PDD’s is to serve some function or purpose for those who define things and diagnose things. It can’t possibly be being forwarded to help anyone on anywhere on the autistic spectrum.

The revisions are being considered for the DSM’s fifth edition, due in 2013. They were made public Wednesday at DSM5.org, and are available for public comment until April 20, 2010. I would sure urge anyone who, like myself feels very strongly that this change does not make any sense at all to let this committee know how you feel. Every voice counts.

If they make this change it will cause a tremendous amount of confusion. I don’t think people with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS)  aren’t aware that AS is a form of autism and that it is described as milder and has its own traits. Traits which of course not all people with AS have in the exact same ways or numbers or to the same degree.

However, to think that if these changes are made in the DSM-V that someone like myself would be labelled autistic right along with someone who has classic autism or another form of a pervasive developmental disorder (PDD) (no disrepect meant to these groups of people) the result could only be massive confusion from all who are not professionals. It would also mean that the ground gained in that Asperger’s Syndrome has travelled out of that abyss of stigma would be compromised at best and perhaps lost at worst.

It would mean being even more misunderstood than people with AS are now.  It might also lead people with relatives with classic autism to question why their loved ones are one way and many of us are quite different – if we were all diagnosed or “labelled” the same. It would likely also mean that many with AS will have a much more difficult time finding appropriate services. For adults and women with AS in particular it may just leave us even more invisible in terms of any support or help that many need than has been the case to date.

What do you think? If you have Asperger’s Syndrome, or a loved one with it, does this make any sense to you? Do you want to have to try to explain to people that you have autism? Can’t you just hear it now? Who will understand? How can this be a positive change for anyone?

© A.J. Mahari, February 12, 2010

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Is Self Help Effective For Asperger Syndrome?

Asperger Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It was first included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (American Psychiatric Association) under the general category of Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDDs) in 1994. It is named after Hans Asperger, of Vienna, who wrote about this cluster of characteristics as early as 1944. Are self help principles, ideas, and practices effective for people with Asperger’s Syndrome?

  • “Many individuals with Asperger Syndrome exhibit extensive knowledge of a specific interest and therefore are capable of major accomplishments.
  • Although Asperger Syndrome can be first detected in childhood, many individuals are not diagnosed until well into adolescence or adulthood.
  • The cause of Asperger Syndrome is not yet established, but a leading theory at this time points to genetic causes. Many individuals diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome identify similar traits in their family members.” 

             Source: Aspergers Society of Ontario

You might think well, if Asperger’s Syndrome is genetic and on the autism spectrum and since it is a pervasive developmental disorder that that may mean there’s nothing that can be done to help someone.  For those of us diganosed in adulthood there are even more challenges because any chance for early intervention, counselling, psycho-education, social skills training and so forth has been missed. And, once in adulthood there are very few places one can go for this assistance, if you can find anywhere at all that works with adults.  Most of the resources used in treatment and managing Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) are in place only for those under the age of majority. So, are you just stuck with it? How can you change anything when there isn’t a way to actually get rid of it? Mind you, most aspies I know, and I include myself here, would not want to get “rid of it” even if it was possible to do so.

Not everyone diagnosed with Aspergers is the same. Not everyone diagnosed with Aspergers has all the traits or has certain traits as strongly as the next person. It is important, if you are an adult with AS, to look at what your strengths and weaknesses are. For many with AS common strengths include a high intelligence and strong interest in a least one area of narrow focus. While this narrow focus can have its drawbacks it can also be harnessed as quite a strength in many ways. An obvious and quite common so-called weakness for those with AS is social impairment. However, I have come to realize that the way that is defined is very genernalized. Each one of us needs to examine our own abilities and challenges in this area particularily. I say so-called because to the degree to which one is socially impaired or not can depend quite a bit on your own idea of what that means for you as an individual.

One of the major aspects of self help that can be of great assistance to those with AS is learning more about self-acceptance and respecting differences, to the degree that you understand the ways in which you are different from the average NT. Even if NT’s around you don’t understand or respect your differences its important to not take on the judgment or misconceptions of those who cannot understand what its like to have AS. NT’s are often very confused by a lot of the ways in which we think. Just as those with AS find many of the ways that NT’s think a little other-worldly too. It is equally important to realize that a lot of what we do differently, or the ways in which we may think differently, can be positively framed in realizing your capability to function in and through what is a different ability.

I have come to realize in my own life that having AS doesn’t mean, for me in my life, that I am disabled. I am differently abled. I may have many differences in how I function – known as aspie lack of executive dysfunction – which I have found through my own self help efforts can really be transformed into different ways of functioning. Again, the key is changing the way you think about difference and being the one that is different. What NT’s call dysfunction can be turned into your own undersanding of many different ways that you actually do function – this aspie functionality is just not well understood by NT’s and of course is not the same as NT functioning.

You really can create change in your life like anyone else – like your neurotypical (NT) counterparts. Change for some with Asperger’s means personal growth and evolution in understanding and learning for many. For some it might be more about finding productive and workable compensatory strategies. Social strategies are also important to explore and implement. They can take practice. However, if you learn to be kind to yourself and avoid judging yourself you will find that what you practice and what you apply from self help philosophy can and will be very helpful.

As a life coach I have learned to apply self help strategies in  my work with many clients with Asperger’s Syndrome. I have, of course, also learned to apply much of these same self help strategies in my own life. The first step in ensuring that you can make the most out of the self help you can learn much more about is to have an open mind about how much you can empower yourself to find ways to cope and ways to compensate for what isn’t exactly entirely changeable. Adaptation is a key facet of applying self help to your life journey with Asperger’s Syndrome.

 ©  A.J. Mahari, February 5, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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