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Author Topic: Aspie Women as Tomboys  (Read 25354 times)
Tim
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« Reply #45 on: January 28, 2008, 12:23:25 PM »

Lou,

The riding apparral is designed to be comfortable and support the muscles during exersion...
This does not negate the overall feel of the fabric...it is different than anything I wore in the past.
It is my understanding that many on the spectrum use tactile feedback as a comfort...wrapping in blankets to calm them.
For others like me this is totally claustraphobic.
So choice is the watchword...

The visual thing is personal also.
When I was carrying weight lycra was a bad visual choice.
I wore extra large shirts etc...

At an event spectators have to understand that they will see bodies competeing...
For those sqeemish about male bodies...don't go to a wrestling match.
They wear lycra body suits and there is a lot of body to body contact.
It is usually in a building so you won't trip over them in the park unexpectedly.

The dicotomy in American society is that accentuating female form is highly touted...but men are to be covered.
This unbalanced attitude pervades our media as well...lots of naked women in film but men who have less to reveal keep their naughty bits covered...

Monty Pythons teasing about frontal nudity is humorous to the extreme on this...
Luckily for me I was introduced to them at a young age.
I went through coming of age with the attitude of "Theatre of the absurd".

It helped this Aspie survive...
Tim
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sigmund
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« Reply #46 on: January 28, 2008, 12:37:50 PM »

It's funny, i can be wrapped up in a blanket and I love it, it's just the shiny feel of the lycra that I don't like, I feel that it crushes me, lycra tops are the worst! If I'm wearing a swiming costume I feel like I'm being strangled until I get into the water, then it's OK.

Monty Pythons sketches on the whole full frontal thing were indeed great. Trust us brits to see the funny side!

I was under the impression that over in the US, nudity was an issue. A recent comment on the new computer game mass effect about the sex scene is amusing to me. I don;t see the fuss!

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Tim
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« Reply #47 on: January 28, 2008, 01:19:52 PM »

It all started with those imigrants from Britain that left in leaky boats to find religious freedom...and found their own form of religious oppression.
They burned anyone who wasn't like them.
Repenting wasn't allowed you might backslide, so burning was the only option.

These enlightened folks wore bathing gowns so they wouldn't see their own body naked...you might sin in your heart etc.
Or become aroused...can't have that.
You can't procreate with yourself so it isn't allowed!

So go forward 400 years and we still call them "Bathing Suits".
When I bathe I like to clean all the parts...
I swim in a swim suit!

So these high minded folks don't want anyone becoming aroused by the visual feast of each others flesh.

Having spent time in Southeast Asia and then several weeks at a nudist community I find it laughable to the extreme.
But also rather sad...

What they refuse to get is that if nudity is normal then no one gets all worked up over something they have seen all their life.
It is the act of opression that creates an environment of compulsion.

If you are given the freedom to enjoy your body then you don't fixate on it...simple as that.

One of my cardinal rules is not to burden others...
So in that light I am not going to force someone to my views and would like the same in return.
I won't flaunt my body to make a point to someone who disagrees.

In my massage class in the nudist community, there was a women who was uneasy about nudity.
Respecting her attitudes won me her companionship.
In another class I was reward with companionship of the women because I was respectfull and we attended the baths where I was their guardian...

Living an example is all one can do...
Enlightenment must be sought not inflicted.

Tim
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redbirdny
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« Reply #48 on: January 28, 2008, 02:36:19 PM »


Yeah that they wanted religious freedom was a sick joke. They could not force their fellow Brits to be uptight so they left and came to North America.

I have no love for someone who has to assume I am lacking if I don't follow their religion or style of dress. Heehee going to a nude beach is not a sexual experience IMO. The flesh accentuating bathing suits are more sexually enticing than all of us in our natural state getting in the water.

Tim if you think it is rough in CA with people who bike in lycra..........try it out here and you will get really critiqued. It's stupid, I know.

Yes someone so much wants to liberate me from my miserable life of Asian spiritual observance to take on all these puritan phobias! Gee maybe I need to live out west.....................my aunt says people are not hung up on things.

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Tim
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« Reply #49 on: January 28, 2008, 02:50:20 PM »

The puritans didn't like being told to lighten up and get with the Church of England...
Plus in a remote territory you can persicute to your hearts content!
Salem Mass. anyone...

I appreciate the freedom I have.
Thank Dog I was born in California...it has plenty of problems but people usually put up six foot fences around their little suburban domains and keep their gossip somewhat contained.
If you use a racial, ethnic or sexual slur you may just get your @ss handed to you by someone who normally keeps to themselves!

Even Bikies with their Critical Mass rides to protest city traffic and the lack of bicycle access were only tolerated for just so long.

"Get back in your cubical and keep the money flowing!"

Tim(doesn't like cubicals or tall fences...)
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sigmund
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« Reply #50 on: January 28, 2008, 02:52:52 PM »

You should come over to the freedom of olde Brittania!

The human nody is something to be celebrated not covered up, im with you guys on this.

(mine is horrible though)

Whenever I go to the US it feels like I need to mind what I say, especially about the government out there!

Here is much more free, you can do and think what the hell you want as long as you don;t hurt anyone!
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redbirdny
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« Reply #51 on: January 29, 2008, 10:17:15 AM »


We sure don't learn those unsavory but true facts about early American colonization in school. Ah but England didn't give up on us ex patriots thru the generations when they gave us the Beatles and other UK groups. When I talk with people from Europe, they are so much more relaxed since they are not burdened with that heavy weight of puritanical uptightness. I've done a lot of studying of those early people. They clearly were misogynist. Women's body parts and anything produced by them was considered "evyl and foul". That is how they spelled than. We didn't progress forward here in the States, we went backwards by the things doctors did to women. Look them up sometime as they are too vile for posting on a mssg board.

Tim I think you hit on something here with the fences and neighbors. I am thrown off by how many want to know about your personal business and inquire about why a person isn't really sociable. New Yorkers have a long standing policy of MYOB and that probably stems from some of them having to find a way to define personal space when crammed together in a city. Even the upstate regions, people were more reticent about asking your intimate business. Religion,sex and income level were absolute no nos for discussion.
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ocampo
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« Reply #52 on: January 29, 2008, 05:36:35 PM »

I think a lot of the reason the UK doesn't really have a lot of the same squeamishness with nudity, sex, swearing etc is because a) we don't have the overhang of Protestantism as strong as parts of the US (not all, I have American family who *sigh* voted for Bush because they didn't like the decline of 'family values' etc in the US) and b) our sense of humour is extremely skewered anyway. I always felt that being Aspie in America would be so much harder than it is being Aspie in the UK; most Americans I've spoken to and came into contact with (non-Aspie I hasten to add) are so preoccupied with some form of the American Dream still existing that being different to that expectation would alienate you completely. I don't mean that I think Americans are all fat, brash, McDonalds-scoffing OTT loudmouths at all - in fact most of the Americans I've met are so desperate to absolve themselves of that stigma they seem quite introverted. Its pretty shit that people feel they have to go around apologising for the actions of a politician no-one takes seriously anyway. But a lot of them I've met seem to have an optimism most Britons just aren't socialised into, and seem a bit more 'moral'. Not always in a bad way either.

Whereas most Britons just seem to see the funny side of a lot of moral topics like nudity. We have a case going on in Scotland about a guy who likes to go rambling naked - he's not hurting anyone really, he just likes to walk around naked (or hike I suppose). This guy has been in and out of jail more times than a duck is in and out of water just for liking to be naked. I mean, unless he has something down there that isn't either a vagina or penis I don't really see what the big deal is - its not like he's flaunting anything really 'obscene' because we've all got either one or the other. If a kid asks 'whats that', to me, you just tell them the truth; its a penis or a vagina. There's another guy in England who once sat naked on a lamp-post just to prove a political point about the preconceptions of public nudity.

Personally, in my opinion, if we were more open about our bodies, we wouldn't be so strung up on preconceptions of beauty and sexual morality. I'd quite happily go to a nudist beach because like red said, its not about sex, its feeling comfortable in your own skin. Yeah, our bodies are sexual devices, but thats not all they're there to do, or can do. I've never understood having the light off during sex either (not when you're confident in your abilities etc) because it feels like hiding an essential part of yourself. Thats not to say I don't understand why someone is so insecure in their naked body that they have to hide in the dark, but that if we were more willing to show all different kinds of bodies naked (ie more realistic bodies - and whats wrong with a few lumps and bumps along the way? Wink) then people would be happier in what they have and not what they should have.

IG...its strange you say that about being presumed gay because of your dress; I usually get presumed bisexual because of the way I dress and carry myself (apparently too feminine to be lesbian but too cocky/confident/masculine to be heterosexual). I met a feminine friend of mine (who is also a lesbian) for coffee today and we were just talking about the usual nonsense, then another lesbian couple walked past and didn't even do the usual 'nod'. So stupid; I put on a fitted top and boots and all of a sudden I'm an entirely different sexual orientation to my usual uni dress of hoodie, jeans and skate shoes.

The NT world. You couldn't even make it up Tongue
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csgirl
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« Reply #53 on: February 24, 2008, 06:18:32 PM »

Just remember what the old spinster said when the nurse asked her to remove her clothes.

"Young lady, if God had wanted us to be undressed, we'd have been born naked!"

Cheesy

I'm a tomboy in my dress.  I understand I was quite the girlie-girl when I was very little, but that changed somewhere along the way.  Probably when they invented "Stretch and Sew". My mom used to make all our clothes.  That stuff (stretch double-knit synthetic for those who don't know) was the first time I remember being put into synthetics.  I could - just - wear the swimsuits she made us.  But I can't wear synthetics of any kind, except some stuff they have in the States that's almost like cotton.  Darned if I can remember what it was called, though.  I like dresses, but won't wear nylons/pantyhose, so never wore dresses at work.  And it's just easier to find t-shirts and jeans than it is to find decent dress clothes in natural fabrics that I can afford.
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A.J. Mahari
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« Reply #54 on: April 06, 2008, 12:03:55 AM »

I think that fact that I was a tomboy had a lot to do with how little I was bound by "social convention". I remember how boring all the "girl's games" were and how disinterested I was in what  most girls were so interested in.

I loved the freedom to express myself in ways that felt powerful. Let's face it, it is the boys on the playground who have the power in terms of how they can pursue all kinds of things that "girls" aren't supposed to want to do.

It might have been in part that I wasn't "supposed" to want to do the "boy" things that made them all the more attractive to me.

The other thing that is really important in all this I think, for me, in terms of having been a tomboy is that when I played with the boys there wasn't nearly the relational pressure that there was with girls. Games and sports with boys wasn't about talking - they were about doing. That suited me just fine.

I also couldn't relate to the "tea party" or playing with dolls type of things that I think are about girls modeling certain aspects of something that I just totally didn't get and totally had no interest in.
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tomboy4good
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« Reply #55 on: April 08, 2008, 10:10:34 PM »

I can remember when the school I attended first allowed girls to wear pants instead of dresses or skirts.  I was so excited! I rarely ever wore anything other than pants after that!   

I love my jeans & will never ever give them up.   I also preferred boyish clothes over anything ruffley or feminine.  Drove my mom crazy because she always loved pink, & ruffles, & so wanted a girly-girl.  Ewwww!   I will wear feminine clothes if they are comfortable.  I like some platforms, but not regular high heels (took me a long time to learn to walk in them!).   If clothes itch or restrict, or otherwise cause discomfort like tags (those always get removed), I pass for jeans, sweats, or t-shirts. I prefer comfort over pretty.
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A.J. Mahari
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« Reply #56 on: April 09, 2008, 02:56:08 PM »

I can remember when the school I attended first allowed girls to wear pants instead of dresses or skirts.  I was so excited! I rarely ever wore anything other than pants after that!   

I love my jeans & will never ever give them up.   I also preferred boyish clothes over anything ruffley or feminine.  Drove my mom crazy because she always loved pink, & ruffles, & so wanted a girly-girl.  Ewwww!   I will wear feminine clothes if they are comfortable.  I like some platforms, but not regular high heels (took me a long time to learn to walk in them!).   If clothes itch or restrict, or otherwise cause discomfort like tags (those always get removed), I pass for jeans, sweats, or t-shirts. I prefer comfort over pretty.

Hi there tomboy4good, and welcome Smiley

I can so relate. I used to hate wearing those jumper things my mother used to dress me in. I had to wear then and skirts until I was in grade 9. That's when, in my life, girls were finally allowed to wear pants. I really used to like those corduroy pants - those and jeans.

I really preferred boyish clothes too. I remember as a kid being so jealous really of the fact that boys shorts actually had pockets, my shorts never did - the girl's kind. I used to have a friend whose pockets were bulging all day as we'd play with stuff of mine I asked him to carry for me in his pockets. At the end of the day when we had to go in (we'd be out all day in the summer) it would take 10 minutes for him to get all my stuff out of his pockets.

I used to get clothes sometimes as a kid from my grandparents, aunts etc and it seemed that they were always ITCHY and rough. I used to like the colours and stuff but I couldn't stand the feel of them on me. Sadly, when they'd visit my mother made me wore the clothes that were gifts - I'd get so angry and be totally out of sorts and moody until I could get the darn clothes off. When I was about 11 or so I just totally refused to wear the ones I couldn't stand the feel of anymore. I'd fight with my mother, totally meltdown, scream - whatever for as long as it took to win my freedom from the hell of that sensory assault and discomfort - stress, really.

I also, to this day, have to remove any and all tags, otherwise the feel of them drives me crazy.
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tomboy4good
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« Reply #57 on: April 09, 2008, 07:55:41 PM »

It's so nice to know I am no longer alone!  It's truly amazing that there are other people out there who understand.   My parents used to be so frustrated & it was hard for them to accept me the way I was hard wired.   I'm sure it wasn't easy to try to parent a girl that rarely ever acted "girly." I'm sure they also didn't quite know what to make of my unusual behavior, let alone my odd clothing preferences.  I can remember my mom being exasperated by my preference for boyish clothes (my favorite coat was from the boys dept).    Shocked  None of my girl cousins were anything like me, which also caused friction.  They may not have had any previous experience with anyone like me.  I also preferred boys' toys (had quite the collection of Tonka trucks!) & games to playing house & other normal girlish activities.   Looking back, I think I knew I'd have lots of time to play house as an adult & I just wanted to have fun & enjoy the boys' cooler activities.

One thing that was good was my dad wanted a son & although I didn't quite fit the mold totally, I went fishing or hiking with him sometimes.   It's one of the few good memories I have from my childhood.

I don't think a daughter has to be a girly girl to be normal.  I have 2 daughters, & one is very feminine, while my other one is more of a tomboy.   Neither of them can stand clothing tags though...looks like they both get that from me!   Cool  We also enjoy horses, although neither of them are obsessed by them. 
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