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Author Topic: An Aspie view of parenting...  (Read 2837 times)
Tim
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« on: December 11, 2007, 04:10:38 PM »


Timothy Battaglia                     11 December 2007

...I am Aspie and I am a Parent.

I raised a stepson. He is the only “Son” I will ever have.
I also raised a Daughter who is my blood.
Neither is Aspie although my Daughter has many of my traits just to a lesser degree.

Recently I have worked with some parents in my community who have children on the Spectrum.
One of the most challenging things I encounter, is that I am not what these parents want to see as their child’s future.
They seem to see their child as becoming cured…to them it is just a matter of time.
To any one raising a child on the Spectrum or not, you may be raising Einstein, or Marie Currie, or Nicola Tesla…all are my heroes and all needed room to grow.

We as living beings in this universe are all variations on a theme.
Like snowflakes we can appear the same…until you take the time to look close.
Would you want any of your children to be generic?

I am not suggesting that children of any flavor be allowed to be anarchists…this only works when no one is around, and we live in a crowded world.
Aspies in particular need guidelines and mentoring to learn the rules of the world we brought them into.
The big job is to help them find “their” way not “the” way.
If you have always been able to do the work and follow the program and find success, you will likely find it frustrating and painful to witness how the world interacts with your child.

There is no blame, it is no ones fault.

It is essential to get to the place where things simply are…then you can help your child problem solve and be.
They need to be needed and they need to have their space what ever that is to them.

If I were their future would that be so bad…If I were your son would you turn your back on me?

I watched my now Ex-wife and her former husband do just that to our son.
He is NT and a jock playing sports every chance had…He had girlfriends and went to the prom.
We are as unalike as humans can be…
He is now a Navy Diver with a family of his own…he still calls me Dad.
Every one needs some one to hold them when they need it…and some one to set fair unwavering boundaries.

My Daughter has had it rougher as my ex suffocated her as she pushed our son and I out of her life.
Mary now is 18 and I have had a chance to be there for her when she wants me.
Raising her is like riding a runaway train…I wouldn’t trade Mary for the world.
She is just testing her wings after the major disaster that is public school.

Be your child’s Mentor not their tormentor…there will be plenty of those in their life soon enough…They will need to look back and know you are their Rock.

Tim
Parent, Aspie, Human…


« Last Edit: December 21, 2007, 04:31:30 PM by Tim » Logged
wombat319
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« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2007, 04:49:22 PM »

A very thoughtful piece, Tim.

I recall my own daughter, fresh out of college and recently "dumped" by the man she thought she was going to marry. All her friends were getting married and she wondered if she would ever find anyone in time to marry, have her own children and be in a secure relationship.

As I attempted to comfort her, she looked up at me with tears running down her face and wailed (to my horror), "I'm going to wind up being JUST LIKE YOU!"

To this day she denies she said that. But I'll never forget it. I wondered if it was so horrible to be me? I've decided it wasn't--and she has the life she wanted while I pretty much have the one I wanted.
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"Don't take life so seriously...none of us get out alive!"
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